someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
