Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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