His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
