I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I puked a lego.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
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Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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