i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
