I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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