Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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