I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
