I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
