I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
