Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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