rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
