Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let's get the cat blown out
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
