you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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