So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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