ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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