final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
