please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
