I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
