I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
