I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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