I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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