she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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