Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
