Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
