I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
