I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
