He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
