dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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