So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
