I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.