you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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