2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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