Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
