I must be too annoying 4 u.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
