Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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