Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
