walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
