Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
tell me about the fingering
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
