Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
