Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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