honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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