Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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