Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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