fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
