Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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