And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
