You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
