My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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