don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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