I'll bet she douches with gravy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
