you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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