I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
