He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
