I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
