yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
