i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
