Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
