K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
