I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
