FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
