And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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