i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
