If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
