I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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