I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
