we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize