real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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