The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
