you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
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A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
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took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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