Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
