I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
