yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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